Top 10 Flirting Tips
1. Make a good first impression
Studies have shown it takes only a few seconds to make a first impression. Upon first meeting us, people pick up clues about us both consciously and subconsciously. They only know what we tell them, so project yourself in the way you’d like to be perceived. Follow these top flirting tips and techniques to make sure yours is a good one.
2. Be confident People are attracted to confidence.
The good news is that even if you are not feeling confident on the inside, you can always fake it on the outside the outside by standing tall with your head held high. Soon, these physiological indicators for confidence, might just make you believe it yourself.
3. Like yourself
If, as the most important person in your world, you don’t like yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?
4. Smile – Smiles are easy to give and powerful to receive.
Even when they are fake, the action of smiling produces oxytocin in the brain, promoting feelings of happiness. Besides, everyone looks more approachable, and like someone we would like to be around, when they smile.
5. Eye Contact
Eye contact is the most powerful flirting tool. In my research, it was the number one sign that made people understand when someone was flirting. The glances were more frequent, more intense, and lasted for longer. Women take note: it takes the average guy three looks before he begins to understand your interest.
When used appropriately, touch can be very effective in flirting. As a general rule, shoulders and higher up on the arm are considered ‘safe’ areas, as we move down the arm towards the hand, touch becomes more intimate. A light tap on the hand might be the perfect flirting tool for you to try. However, you must then assess the other person’s response. If they slightly move back, change their facial expression to a an unhappy one, or look uncomfortable in any ways, it means that it did not go down well and do not do it again until they initiate touch first.
7. Don’t be so quick to judge potential partners
Yes, looks are important, but how often have you started speaking with someone you weren’t initially attracted to, and they became a Greek god, before your very eyes! There is more to you than just your looks, just as there is more to others’ than their outside shell. Find out what is on the inside before you make your decision
8. We all like to be feel special
It’s not all about you! Change your ‘me’ centered world to one of ‘other’ and feel the pressure and self-consciousness melt away. Make the other person your first priority. Focus less on yourself and how you are feeling and put your attention on the other person.
9. Take the ‘reject’ out of rejection
Rejection isn’t about you, it’s about the situation of the other person. Maybe they are tired, married, or you’re just not their type. The good news is that you are a million other people’s type … so go flirt with them!
10. Flirting is fun!
Don’t look at flirting as something you are forced to do – flirting is a fun way to pass the time. Keep in light, fun, and pressure free. The only losers are those who don’t try… If you’d like more advice like this, come along to one of our great events! Or if you’d like a private session, just contact me!
Tips for Stepping out of your Comfort Zone
Stepping out of your comfort zone can be scary. However, the rewards are certainly worth it. When you step out of your comfort zone, you build more confidence. Soon, less and less make you uncomfortable, as your circle of comfort becomes larger and larger. Sound good? Have a look at the tips below to learn how.
1. Don’t listen to the voices inside your head
Voices; we all have them, and they are usually are more nagging aunt Edna, than cool, hippie friend. So, just do what you would do when encountered with an egocentric windbag, tune it out. Again, counter intuitive, but don’t assume those voices in your head are right. Don’t listen!
2. Be logical
The first time I climbed up the ladder for my flying trapeze routine, I was nervous, even scared, and my body was slightly trembling. It didn’t get any better as I stood on the small, wooden platform, 32 feet high. However, my logical voice told my scared voice, that it was ‘normal’ to be scared, that I had never done it before, and the next time wouldn’t be as scary. My logical voice was right. It got easier every time. Don’t worry, I have no intention of joining the circus.
3. You’re not going to be good at something straight away
Often, what keeps us from trying, is the fear that we won’t be any good, or that we will make fools of ourselves. Would you expect to speak to be fluent in a new language straight away? Become a professional athlete after one game of tennis? Play the guitar well, after only a few lessons? What we tend to forget, is that being good at something takes time. It’s a process. Your first step out of your comfort zone will not make you a professional. That’s fine, just keep it up. As Malcolm Gladwell says, anyone can be an expert in anything if they put in 10,000 hours.
4. Take the step
The main thing that stops us from taking the step is the fear of the unknown. We don’t know what is outside that comfy bubble but, whatever it is, has the potential to make us look foolish. However, doesn’t it make sense that the more often we take that step, the less ‘unknowns’ there are? If you continue to do it, your comfort bubble becomes bigger, and what makes you uneasy becomes smaller. So, just close your eyes, don’t listen to the voices in your head, and take the leap. You’ll soon find that it’s not as scary as you had imagined.
Fabulous. You now know what it takes to step out of your comfort zone, and that stepping out of your comfort zones is one of the best ways to increase self-confidence. Now, let’s take a look at how to handle that unsightly ‘r’ word. Rejection.
Take the ‘Reject’ out of Rejection
Here’s the scenario: you see someone whom you really, really want to talk to. So, why don’t you just go up and say,‘hi’? (At this point, most of you are probably thinking that this would be mad, that this is something that only a person sitting in a windowless, soulless, Servis Air lounge at Heathrow, getting quietly sozzled on G&T’s, would suggest.)
Let’s face it, most of us do not have the dedication of Romeo and Juliet. We would not seize the day and start talking with the stranger of our desire. That is a shame, because the secret is, there is nothing to lose! This is the equivalent of thinking, ‘I’m not going to check the numbers on this lottery ticket to see if I’ve won, because I don’t really want a million dollars anyway.’
Rejection, or even the merest whiff of possibility, is what hinders us from connecting with others. However, just keep the following in mind to help take the ‘reject’ out of rejection.
1. It’s often about external factors, i.e it’s not all about you!
One of my first memories of rejection was at a nightclub in Tokyo. After telling my friends I was going to ask a certain handsome, young man standing by the dance floor to dance, I strolled purposely over to him, only to be looked up and down and told ‘no.’ While it certainly wasn’t good for the ol’ ego, I noticed that he was shortly joined by a woman who looked to be his girlfriend. ‘Aha,’ I realised. Maybe not every person is going to give you a long and detailed answer as to why they will not talk to you, dance with you, go out with you, etc. But, that doesn’t mean their rejection has anything to do with you. Yet, we seem to always assume, that it is always us!
2. It’s a numbers game
My uncle is an insatiable flirt. He flirts with birds, bees, frogs, and trees, and beautiful women. He once told me that flirting was a numbers game, ‘The more shots you take, the higher your percentage of scoring.’ He also said, ‘If there are four girls sitting at a table, and you ask one to dance and she says, ‘no’, just ask another one. One of them will always say, ‘yes’. So, not only did my uncle understand the laws of percentages, he was also very thick-skinned.
3. Don’t let Strangers Determine your Self-Worth
Yes, my uncle was blessed with the ability to not be bothered by what others think of him. This also means that he doesn’t let others dictate his own worth. It’s crazy to give strangers, people who might be puppy kicking, axe murderers, the power to decide our value. The best scenario is to know who you are, and if others want to join the party, support them in a keg stand. If they don’t, then go find people who do!
4. Be Logical – We Can’t Fit With Everyone
If we are able to stay objective about the whole process, we will see that rejection is not a soul-destroying interaction, but rather an efficient weeding-out process. We can’t fit with everyone, thank god, we don’t have time to fit with everyone! Rejection is a great way of figuring out who we fit with and who we don’t. It’s not someone stamping on your ego, it’s someone alerting you to the fact that the two of you will never be Romeo and Juliet. This is fine, those two were a bit clueless anyway; it would have never worked.
Tips for Finding a Partner
You are ready. After a decade of meeting people, playing around, and having fun, you have decided that it’s time to be in a long-term relationship. You are in good company. Many people come to me asking ‘How to Find a Husband’ or ‘How to Find a Wife’. And I help them, and they find one.
But, finding a person to marry isn’t the hard part. It’s finding the right person to marry that is the hard part. I often ask people who are in happy, long-term relationships, what they think is the key to making their relationship. I asked my friend Simon, who recently celebrated his 20-year anniversary with his wife. He said, ‘Once you have the right person, it’s easy. It’s finding the right person that is the hard part!’. His answer surprised me. I was expecting him to say things like, ‘Good communication skills, compromising, or not trying to change the other person’. But his response made me realize that all of those things are important, but if you are with the wrong person, none of it will help. When you are with the right person, life is easy; your relationship is easy.
With my clients, I help them make lists of the 5 fundamentals that a potential person much have if they are to be considered for the long-term. We are not making a list of ‘nice-to-haves’ and superficialities. This is not a wish list to Santa. This list has to be thorough and concise in order to be effective. But, once you have it, it saves you a lot of time. It keeps you focused on what you are looking for.
For example, let’s say your list looks like this (everyone’s is different!):
Lives in my city
Is not religious
Likes to be active and sporty
Doesn’t want kids
Let’s say you meet someone who fits all the criteria, but lives in Paris and has no intention of moving. You move on.
Or fits all the criteria, but wants kids. You move on.
Or shows up 2 hours late without a good reason. You move on.
Or enjoys spending their weekends on the sofa reading and watching TV. You move on.
See, when you have a focused list of what you are looking for, it helps weed out any ‘time-wasters’. If you are not looking for a long-term relationship, then you can date whomever you’d like. Have a ball! If you are looking for a long-term relationship, then stick to the list!
If you would like my help, figuring out what your list should look like, please contact me for a private session. I’d love to help.
Luckily did my uncle understand the laws of percentages, he was also very thick-skinned.
Tips for Graceful exits and other Social Quandaries
I recently met with a client who wanted to ‘not feel nervous or awkward’ before going to dating events. I first pointed out to her that modern day offerings for singles leaves everyone feeling nervous and awkward. Let’s see, we will throw you into a room with other single people, all strangers, time your interactions… aaaannnnnnd GO! I assured her that she was not alone. We also went through some tips for how to make the most out of any social event.
I will share the top 5 with you now:
1. Arrive early
This gives you a chance to get to know the other ‘early-comers’ in a relaxed, and less hectic atmosphere. As other people begin to arrive, you will have the added advantage of being able to meet more and more people.
2. Do not sit
Your legs may be tired, you may be wearing killer heels (in many ways) but resist the urge to grab a chair. You limit your chances for encounters if you are sitting. Not to mention, graceful exits are harder to implement when you’re not on your feet.
3. Stand in the centre of the room
Similar to sitting, standing in corners is not conducive to meeting people. In the centre, you can have more contact with people.
4. Hang out by the food and drink
This is a natural space to begin conversations with people. It’s much easier to sidle up to someone at the buffet and say, ‘this potato salad looks just like the one my Aunt Ethel used to make,’ than it is to stride across the room and say it (which I am not recommending!)
5. Wear something comfortable
Don’t wear your new shoes, the uncomfortable undergarments or the tight necktie. In order to be comfortable in social settings you must, literally, be comfortable! If you’d like some great tips such as these, check out our upcoming events! Hope to see you soon