The other day as I was riding my bicycle, a man was trying to cross the street to avoid being hit by me. I flashed him a smile and said, ‘Don’t worry, I wouldn’t hit you!’’. His response? He giggled. We both went away happy.
I play softball on Wednesday nights. My favourite position is 1stbase. A young woman has joined our team and I am teaching her the ropes of 1st base. As I explained to her, it doesn’t matter if you don’t catch the ball. What is more important is that you make everyone feel welcome when they get on base. Compliment them on their hit or tell them how fast they run. You are their first point of contact on base and it’s important to be a good host.
What both of these illustrations have in common is that they are both examples of what flirting is about; it’s about making others feel good. What I have noticed in my decades of teaching flirting is that it only feels hard when we are worried about what others think of us. When we are trying to get them, to make us, feel good. Flirting is easy when our goal is making others feel good/special/noticed. When we change our focus from us to them, the pressure is lifted, the self-consciousness evaporates, and we are left with what flirting really is: a chance to appreciate others in a playful way. So, where will you start with this new attitude? Who is the first lucky person to be the recipient of your charms?