Let’s say that you are fully on board with the Flirtology way of life: you believe that making connections with people is a good thing, strangers aren’t that scary, and you are ready, willing and (want to be) able when a good flirting opportunity arises.
But, maybe you are finding that people’s responses aren’t what you would like them to be; perhaps when you try asking a question, you get a strained smile or a quick exit. No, it’s not you. It’s most likely you are not asking the right kind of question in your opener.
Starting with a good foundation is essential. What does this mean?
On my last Fearless Flirting Tour, the group was in the supermarket, practicing asking questions to shoppers. I saw a guy looking at the plants.
I said to him: ‘Do you like plants?” <—- Good opening question
He said that he did.
I then asked him if he knew how to keep my succulent alive, because I didn’t.We went on to have a lovely discussion about plants. He showed himself to be a very caring and nurturing person in the way we spoke about plants and in the way he helped me learn about plants. It was a nice interaction.
One of the women on my tour saw him later and tried to recreate our discussion. I am sure she could have, but her line of questioning didn’t allow for the same type of conversation that we had.
She asked him: ‘Where did you get the plant?’
He pointed to the plants.
She then asked him: ‘Do they have any aloe vera plants?’
He said that he didn’t know, and then left.
Do you see how the type of question that I asked, around his preferences and his knowledge, allowed for a conversation to potentially blossom (ahem), where as her questions were mostly of an informational nature, i.e. yes/no, directional?
This is the difference between an interaction question, one which leaves room to build rapport and learn a bit more about the other person (should they wish) and an information question, which usually consists of closed answers, that don’t reveal much about the other person.
Do yourself a favour, make sure that you start with a good foundation and use an interaction question. Anatomy of an interaction question:
-Asks them their opinion or their knowledge about something
-Makes them feel special (you get this one for free. The act of asking someone their opinion on something, already makes them feel special)
-Allows you to learn a bit about the other person
Here is your challenge for the week:
Ask five people interaction questions this week. Here are some examples of general interaction questions.
Do you know anything about xxx?
Can you recommend this?
Have you tried this before?
What do you think about xxx?