the-look

How not to Look Needy and Desperate

You will probably recognize the scene: you went out with a really cool guy that you actually fancied. (How long has it been since that’s happened?!)

You didn’t exactly secure a second date whilst on the first one, but that is fine. You should wait a few days before sending a follow up email. Chances are, if he really likes you, he will contact you first.

However, we can’t always rely on that rule. Until a male is well and truly ‘reeled in’ he can be pretty ambivalent. After all, unlike you, who is planning your future together (slow down honey, it was only one date!), he is carrying on living his life. And so should you! Sure, it’s fine to send a breezy email a few days later, but if there is even a hint of desperation, the game is over. You’ve blown it.

Here is an email from one of my clients (with her permission) on what not to do. Thankfully, she sent it to me first to help edit and, consequently, ended up getting a second date. After I showed her my version, she said, “Aha! No wonder I never get any second dates when I send emails!”

Read the un-edited version first followed by my changes explained:

Hi cute-guy-who-I-want-to-go-out-with-again (this is not his real name),

Hope you’re not working too hard and that you’re actually getting to enjoy the sun this weekend!

I just wanted to say, it was really nice to meet you this week.  It’s really refreshing to meet someone with an appreciation for arts and culture…not to mention, so well read and can cook! (very impressive)

I get the sense that I might not be your type, but it would still be lovely to have a new friend to do the arts and culture stuff with.

So, I was wondering if you’d like to meet up and go to a late night opening at a museum. If so, just let me know which nights you are free and I’ll look up our options.

Hope to see you again soon…

PS – As promised, here’s that funny football video we discussed. Hope you laugh at it as much as I did…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KeG_i8CWE8

 

And now the edited version:

Hi cute-guy-who-I-want-to-go-out-with-again,

Hope you’re not working too hard and that you’re actually getting to enjoy the sun this weekend!

I just wanted to say, it was really nice to meet you this week.  It’s really refreshing to meet someone with an appreciation for arts and culture…not to mention, so well read and can cook! (very impressive)   – I would take out the last part. One compliment is enough!

I get the sense that I might not be your type, but it would still be lovely to have a new friend to do the arts and culture stuff with. – Take this out!!!! You don’t know anything about this guy. He is a stranger minus 3 hours. Why would you think he doesn’t like you? Why would you put yourself in the friend category already?

So, I was wondering if you’d like to meet up and go to a late night opening at a museum. If so, just let me know which nights you are free and I’ll look up our options. – Give him two specific options.  Do some research and present him with the nights the event is on. Never give him an open calendar. This means you either have no life, or would be willing to cancel everything for a complete stranger. 

Hope to see you again soon…  – Take this out…too needy. Just put ‘kind regards’.

PS – As promised, here’s that funny football video we discussed. Hope you laugh at it as much as I did… – I would take out the ‘hope you laugh..did’. In the context of the email, it sounds a little needy. We don’t want ANY signs of neediness/desperation here.

Do you see the difference in the two emails? One is needy and desperate and the other is light and breezy.

Look, the only reason that you are not good at this is because you haven’t gotten good advice on how this works. Sure, you’ve gotten advice, from well meaning family and friends, but is it good? If you would like to learn how to be good at this, without looking needy or desperate,  have a look at my new e-course, ‘How to Attract, Approach and Allure’.

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