What often stops people from flirting is the fear of being ‘creepy’. Most people are worried about taking things too far, or making unwanted advances. In today’s post, I will explain to you where the line is. That way you won’t have to worry about being creepy.
Let’s start with an example of what not to do. Last week, Melbourne cricketer Chris Gayle, was fined £5,000 for making inappropriate comments to a female reporter trying to interview him. He said to her, “To see your eyes for the first time is nice. Hopefully, we can have a drink afterwards. Don’t blush, baby,” Many are outraged that he had to pay a fine. They feel that Gayle was just being a bit cheeky, and don’t understand the big deal. Forget the fact that if you are in a professional context, and have made someone blush about something other than the cricket scores, you are probably acting inappropriately.
The reason Gayle was creepy, rather than flirty, was because he didn’t follow the law of flirting reciprocity. The best flirting encounters involve both people, showing equal amounts of interest. In this situation one person, Mel McLaughlin, is doing her job. She is a professional, acting in that context. The other person, Gayle, is acting like he is at a bar trying to pick up a woman. That aside, the most important point is that there wasn’t any reciprocity from Mel. Chris doesn’t first test to see if she is interested. He probably doesn’t care. This encounter is completely one-sided.
Let’s compare that with Maria Sharapova flirting with a male journalist. Many have been quick to judge this as hypocritical, because she was also flirting, but there were no repercussions for her. This difference is that Sharapova engaged in flirting reciprocity. She started out gently, complimenting the male journalist on his ‘good self-esteem when you speak’. He responded favourably, and took it up a level. Reciprocity achieved! This is when Sharapova knew she could go in for the full on flirt. In this encounter, there was flirting reciprocity. Start gently to test out the other’s reaction. If you get the green light, flirt!
You can see some nice flirting reciprocity in the video below.
Start gently to test out the other’s reaction. If you get the green light, then flirt. And, this is how you avoid being creepy when flirting.