Tips for Taking the ‘Reject’ out of Rejection

Here’s the scenario: you see someone whom you really, really want to talk to. So, why don’t you just go up and say,‘hi’? (At this point, most of you are probably thinking that this would be mad, that this is something that only a person sitting in a windowless, soulless, Servis Air lounge at Heathrow, getting quietly sozzled on G&T’s, would suggest.)                                   

Let’s face it, most of us do not have the dedication of Romeo and Juliet. We would not seize the day and start talking with the stranger of our desire. That is a shame, because the secret is, there is nothing to lose! This is the equivalent of thinking, ‘I’m not going to check the numbers on this lottery ticket to see if I’ve won, because I don’t really want a million dollars anyway.’

Rejection, or even the merest whiff of possibility, is what hinders us from connecting with others. However, just keep the following in mind to help take the ‘reject’ out of rejection.

1) It’s often about external factors, i.e it’s not all about you!

One of my first memories of rejection was at a nightclub in Tokyo. After telling my friends I was going to ask a certain handsome, young man standing by the dance floor to dance, I strolled purposely over to him, only to be looked up and down and told ‘no.’ While it certainly wasn’t good for the ol’ ego, I noticed that he was shortly joined by a woman who looked to be his girlfriend. ‘Aha,’ I realised. Maybe not every person is going to give you a long and detailed answer as to why they will not talk to you, dance with you, go out with you, etc. But, that doesn’t mean their rejection has anything to do with you. Yet, we seem to always assume, that it is always us!

2) It’s a numbers game

My uncle is an insatiable flirt. He flirts with birds, bees, frogs, and trees, and beautiful women. He once told me that flirting was a numbers game, ‘The more shots you take, the higher your percentage of scoring.’ He also said, ‘If there are four girls sitting at a table, and you ask one to dance and she says, ‘no’, just ask another one. One of them will always say, ‘yes’. So, not only did my uncle understand the laws of percentages, he was also very thick-skinned.

3) Don’t let Strangers Determine your Self-Worth

Yes, my uncle was blessed with the ability to not be bothered by what others think of him. This also means that he doesn’t let others dictate his own worth. It’s crazy to give strangers, people who might be puppy kicking, axe murderers, the power to decide our value. The best scenario is to know who you are, and if others want to join the party, support them in a keg stand. If they don’t, then go find people who do!

4) Be Logical – We Can’t Fit With Everyone

If we are able to stay objective about the whole process, we will see that rejection is not a soul-destroying interaction, but rather an efficient weeding-out process. We can’t fit with everyone, thank god, we don’t have time to fit with everyone! Rejection is a great way of figuring out who we fit with and who we don’t. It’s not someone stamping on your ego, it’s someone alerting you to the fact that the two of you will never be Romeo and Juliet. This is fine, those two were a bit clueless anyway; it would have never worked.

If you’d like to identify and conquer your particular fears, contact me for a private session. Find out more about our private coaching packages here.