You are ready. After a decade of meeting people, playing around, and having fun, you have decided that it’s time to be in a long-term relationship. You are in good company. Many people come to me asking ‘How to Find a Husband’ or ‘How to Find a Wife’. And I help them, and they find one.
But, finding a person to marry isn’t the hard part. It’s finding the right person to marry that is the hard part. I often ask people who are in happy, long-term relationships, what they think is the key to making their relationship. I asked my friend Simon, who recently celebrated his 20-year anniversary with his wife. He said, ‘Once you have the right person, it’s easy. It’s finding the right person that is the hard part!’. His answer surprised me. I was expecting him to say things like, ‘Good communication skills, compromising, or not trying to change the other person’. But his response made me realize that all of those things are important, but if you are with the wrong person, none of it will help. When you are with the right person, life is easy; your relationship is easy.
With my clients, I help them make lists of the 5 fundamentals that a potential person much have if they are to be considered for the long-term. We are not making a list of ‘nice-to-haves’ and superficialities. This is not a wish list to Santa. This list has to be thorough and concise in order to be effective. But, once you have it, it saves you a lot of time. It keeps you focused on what you are looking for.
For example, let’s say your list looks like this (everyone’s is different!):
Lives in my city
Is not religious
Likes to be active and sporty
Doesn’t want kids
Let’s say you meet someone who fits all the criteria, but lives in Paris and has no intention of moving. You move on.
Or fits all the criteria, but wants kids. You move on.
Or shows up 2 hours late without a good reason. You move on.
Or enjoys spending their weekends on the sofa reading and watching TV. You move on.
See, when you have a focused list of what you are looking for, it helps weed out any ‘time-wasters’. If you are not looking for a long-term relationship, then you can date whomever you’d like. Have a ball! If you are looking for a long-term relationship, then stick to the list!
If you would like my help, figuring out what your list should look like, please contact me for a private session. I’d love to help.