Eye Contact

Whilst researching the flirting behaviour of 250 single people in the cities of London, N.Y.C, Paris and Stockholm, I discovered there were 6 signs indicating when someone was attracted to another. If you feel like someone is always watching you, perhaps it’s because they are displaying the number one sign of attraction:  Eye Contact.

This was the most prevalent way that people could tell if someone was interested in them. Not only could people gauge someone’s interest by the way they looked at them, they also used it as an indicator between when someone was being friendly and flirting. There are four specific ways to tell when someone has flirting on their mind, rather than looking for a new friend to join their book club.


  • Frequency – The eye contact happens more often
  • Length of time – They look at you for a longer period of time, rather than a quick glance
  • Intensity – The emotion behind the eyes is stronger. They’re not thinking, ‘I wonder what I’ll have for dinner’. (Unless, of course, they want their main dish to be you!)
  • Gesture – The eye contact is accompanied with another gesture, perhaps a flick of the hair, a smile, straightening of clothing, or touching their face (a self-comforting gesture).

The ways in which people used eye contact differed according to culture. In Stockholm, blink and you’ll miss it. Or maybe a single flutter of the eyelashes, in your vicinity, is considered sufficient eye contact?

In Paris, a woman won’t make eye contact with a man she likes, lest she’d be considered ‘easy’. One Parisian woman said you wouldn’t dare make eye contact with a man, as he would inevitably ‘lock you down with his eyes’.

In New York, the land of being obvious, no one was shy with the eye contact. In such a fast paced environment, you can’t waste time trying to figure out if someone’s interested. You let them know in the most obvious way and, if they’re not looking right back, you move onto the next person. A few women even admitted to looking men ‘up and down’ with their eyes. Assertiveness pays off, right?

As for the Londoners, well, they hold their cards very close to their chest. No one ever wants to be the first admit they like someone – believe me, after a decade of working on them, I still need more time with them! Needless to say, flirting by eye contact is not at all obvious. You can stare at a person repeatedly and they’d still wonder if you were looking at the picture frame behind them.

Want to learn about the other signs? Just think HOT APE.

H – Humour
O – Open Body Language
T – Touch

A – Attention
P – Proximity
E – Eye Contact

This is just the tip of the flirting iceberg, if you would like to learn how to be good at this, using scientific research on flirting, have a look at my new e-course, ‘How to Attract, Approach and Allure’.

If you want to hear more flirting advice, based on my research, scroll down to the bottom of the page and sign up for my weekly emails.