I love working with you all. I am constantly learning. For example, one of my clients explained that he had taken the information I had given him and had ‘gamified’ it. Turning the process of approaching and talking to women into a game served two purposes.
- It took the pressure off of him as an individual and turned this interaction into something fun.
- By thinking of this as game, in terms of levels, it served as a reminder for what to do – and how to proceed – should things be going well.
As a general rule when playing ‘The Approaching Game’ you carry out a level and then you assess the reaction. It’s only upon assessing the response, that you will know whether or not you should proceed to the next level. By the way, giving space to see the other person’s reaction is also what stops you from being creepy. At any stage, if you start getting a bad reaction: they stop smiling, take a step back from you, their body language becomes closed, it means you make your departure. In that moment, with that person, you have lost the game. No worries, you can always start another game with someone else! Also, these same rules apply for women approaching men, which should be happening just as often. No, there is nothing ‘hard-wired’ about men being the ones who approach. I have actually carried out anthropological research on this. But, that’s for another day. Today, we go through the levels of the approaching game.
Level 1 – Smile and/or make eye contact with someone
Do they: ignore you, look away, or frown at you? Game over with this one – move on
Do they: give you a smile or even a hint of a smile? Return your look, even for a millisecond? Do you find they are all of a sudden in your vicinity, whereas they weren’t before? All good signs. Proceed to level 2
Level 2 – Go over and ask them a question: Are you having fun? Have you been here before? What is that you’re drinking? (The cleverness or originality of the question is *not* the important part here. The point is just to start the interaction).
Do they: Look annoyed? Say something that then turn away? Leave? Game over.
Do they: Smile or answer you? Proceed to the next level
Level 3 – Engage in conversation with them. Ask them more questions; listen to what they say.
Do they: look annoyed, say something back and then turn away, leave? Game over. You should congratulate yourself. You got to level 3!
Do they: Seem like they are enjoying themselves? Ask you questions back? Proceed to level 4
Level 4 – Say something nice about them.This is where the actual book ‘The Game’ revealed its egotistical, out of touch side. You don’t get people to like you by being mean to them. Or, if it does work, it will only work on people with self-esteem issues. If you want people to like you, make them feel good. This could be anything nice that you are thinking about the other person, ‘I am having fun talking with you’. ‘You are funny’. ‘I love your dress, it’s very stylish’ ‘Why can’t everyone be like you?’ We have been taught to keep our cards close to our chest and not let the other person know we like them. This is wrong.
Do they: frown, look away, leave? (Chances are very slim this will happen at level 4) Game over
Do they: Smile, say thank you, blush, return the compliment? Hurrah! It’s level 5 for you, champ.
Level 5 – Touch them lightly on the arm or back. It’s very important to assess their reaction here. This could tell you everything about how they are feeling about you now.
Do they: move away from your touch, look awkward, stop talking – Go back to level 4 and try again. If they still react negatively, game over. Move on to someone else
Do they: reciprocate, smile, say something flirty, show any sign at all that they like you?
Hurrah! You have completed game ‘how to approach’… and won!
What to do next? Well, have you checked out my book: Flirtology: Stop Swiping, Start Talking and Find Love. It’s full of useful and practical tips. (It’s also rated 5 stars on Amazon…yipeeeee).