We have connectivity; what we are looking for is connection. It’s been a decade since electronics have taken over our love-lifes’, which means that enough time has passed to be able to ask ourselves the question: are they really bringing us what we are looking for?
I am not naive. I recognise that in some cases, our devices can be helpful. For example, a gay friend pointed out that he likes using apps because it’s a good filter for those who are also gay, so he doesn’t face ‘double rejection’. And, this filtering mechanism might also help to bring like-minded people together, like if they are using the same online platform that is specifically created for their interest group. However, we have given these assisters the starring roles. We have handed our love-lifes’ over to our iPhones. Whilst Siri might be competent in ordering you food or a cab, she is not a skilled matchmaker; she can’t just order you up a life partner in quite the same way.
Many of you have figured this out, which is why the Fearless Flirting Tours have gathered up such momentum in the last few years. The trick to being comfortable speaking with others is not just waiting until you find someone whom you find attractive (I assume that would be the worst time to begin, due to the nerves and all…) It’s to start making small attempts in your daily lives. Talk to your barista, your newspaper seller, smile at the lovely person on the street. Because then, when it comes to trying it out on someone who gets your heart racing, you will have had the practice; no big deal.
If you’d like to practice this, out and about, in a fun, group environment, please join us for the next flirting tour. I am off to Singapore and Bali soon to give some Flirtology talks but, but there are still 6 places left for my 30th March tour. Or, we can always look into private flirt coaching too.
Psssst – if you are in Singapore 23rd March, please join our talk: Master Interactions
Flirtology has been helping people flirt in the media this month.
Earlier this month I filmed for the show Celebs go Dating. I taught Perri Kiely (of the dance troupe Diversity) how to flirt. Joey Essex was also there and taught me a few things that I didn’t know before. At one point during the filming, I was really worried that Joey was gunning for my job as flirting expert. The guy had swagger, what can I say?
I was brought on the show because Perri had been on 4 dates already and there had been absolutely no flirting. When I met him and Joey at the Dating Agency and asked him why, it seemed much of it had to do with how he regarded flirting itself. He told me that he hadn’t been flirting with his dates for three reasons. Perhaps you can relate:
- He wasn’t attracted to them
- He didn’t want to lead them on
- He didn’t know how
I am hoping that you can help me with an experiment using twitter. I will address the most common reason why people say they don’t flirt, from the above options. In the next 24 hours, could you please tweet @flirtology
- I don’t flirt because I am not easily attracted to people #flirting
- I don’t flirt because I don’t want to lead people on #flirting
- I don’t flirt because I don’t know how #flirting
I will answer the most commonly tweeted flirting problem in my next post. Oh, and I’ll let you know when our flirting show airs on Celebs Go Dating, sometime Mid-April.
There are several instances why people might need my help in finding a partner. Sometimes it’s because they are shy, or perhaps they can’t get over a ex and move forward, or maybe they don’t know how to read interest, or show someone they are interested. My last client had a different issue; he came to me for help after having had two, unsuccessful relationships, that left him heartbroken. You might be surprised to hear this, but he was the one doing the breaking up. Why was he so devestated then? He had invested 9-12 months in both cases, and still cared about both women. What seems to be the problem? In both cases, he had chosen to invest time, energy and emotion, into lovely women, but who were not right for him. And, as much as he enjoyed spending time with them both, eventually, the doom of his actions would set in; he would realise that this person wasn’t the one whom he could see being with ‘happily ever after’.
Still doing the same ol’ things, but expecting different results? Let me tell you about Julia.
Julia has a date. With a cute boy. Whom she likes a lot. Do you want one of those? Then do what Julia did. Or, rather, do what Julia did differently then what she would have normally done.
Julia was invited to a birthday party of a new acquaintance. Since she didn’t know anyone there, she invited Dianne to come as back-up. Unfortunately, Dianne came down with a cold, so Julia did something she had never done before…she went by herself.
Julia found a nice group of women to talk to and, normally, she would have happily stayed put all evening. But, she decided to do something else that she hadn’t ever done before; she went over and introduced herself to three guys who looked like they were having fun. As it happens, she really hit it off when one of them. She then made sure that she was sitting next to him when they all sat down for dinner, another thing she wouldn’t have normally done. Unfortunately, they lost track of each other after dinner, and she didn’t get to say good-bye. However, the signals were strong, and she had nothing to lose, so she did something else that she had never done before; she emailed the host, asking her for the guy’s details. And, she contacted him. After a couple flirty exchanges, they are meeting up next week.