You are on a first date: how do you know if the person sitting across from you is going to be your next Mr. or Ms. Right? If you are the woman I met on Saturday night, you will make him skip. She tells me, ‘This shows that he is up for a laugh’. She then added, ‘Oh, don’t worry. I always go first to show them how’. Another woman said that if he doesn’t share his food, it’s an immediate no-go. Both of these women have good points. Who wouldn’t want a partner who was up for a laugh and shares their food? But then I think of my wonderful husband, who would, flat out refuse to do the ‘skip’ test, (although he has a wonderful sense of humour) and certainly doesn’t share his food with me (much to my annoyance). I would have missed out on a wonderful partner, if I had based our potential future relationship on these two criteria.
But these aren’t the only situations where people are using the wrong criteria to assess potential partners. One client told me that because she was assertive and confident, that the man would have to be the one to approach her otherwise, she believed, she would railroad right over him. I understand why this woman would need someone equally confident but, once again, the criteria she was using, was completely ineffective. My husband is self-assured, and certainly an equal partner for me, but would have never come up to me without knowing me or someone whom I was with. Her criteria means she is attracting the wrong guys and missing out on the right ones. There are far too many case of women making up their own yard sticks, without any merit, and using them to assess potential partners. They’re doing themselves more harm than good.