Times are a-changin. Can you feel it in the wind? Part of my duty to you is to prepare you for this shift. It’s exciting, it’s already happening and it will benefit us all. Are you ready for it? Will you embrace it or will you resist? Will you take the easy way or the hard way?
New realizations come to me daily, and I wish I were a better writer. I don’t trust my writing skills to be able to share it with you in the way that I want. This is why I love doing talks/workshops; it’s easier for me to communicate in person. It’s also why I have slowly, slowly started making my way towards doing YouTube videos. (The equipment is still in an Amazon box in my room, but should be unpacked any week now…)
Last time I wrote on how the female/male divide does not help us to connect. Fundamentally, we are all people, with the same goals: to be loved, to be happy, to be safe. Yet, it still seems second nature to think of each other as, firstly, different. From what I have learned from female participants on my fearless flirting tours, they find it easy approaching and talking to other women. They say they feel safe. However, when it comes to speaking to men, they put men in a different category altogether; they are not fellow humans, they are M-E-N. And, some men have similar feelings about talking to women; that it is, somehow, harder. Why are there different categories? I don’t see why there should be a difference.
I wondered why It wasn’t hard for me to see men as fellow humans. My theory is that if you grow up with siblings who are a different gender to you or if you spend time platonically with people of a different gender, you quickly learn that there might be a few little differences between women and men. But, more importantly, you learn that they are pretty much just like you. It’s always the few differences that people like to harp on about. One of my favourite things about the fearless flirting tours, especially now that men are coming out in full force, is that women and men get to hear what the other is feeling. They are surprised that the other person is having the same difficulties and issues as they are. They thought it was specific to their gender. They always reassure each other,. ‘Oh, no, you don’t need to worry about that. Women would love it if you said that’. The guys tell the women, ‘Oh, guys feel that way too. I thought it was just us who felt that way’. And thus, it is confirmed; they are both experiencing the same thing.
How do we lessen this perceived canyon of differences? My first suggestion is to start making friends with people of the opposite gender. Yes, that’s right: friends. Don’t only look at each other as sexual opportunities, or romantic potential. There is so much more on offer. I cherish my male friendships. (I must thank my buddy’s wife, Maike, for letting me hang out with her husband. What a cool and secure woman). I can’t wait for this attitude to be the norm. And, I am constantly encouraging my husband to have more female friends in his world as well. More balance can only lead to healthier lives.
My task to you for this week is to start making contact with people from the opposite gender. But don’t look at them as ‘opposite’ (See? It’s even in our lexicon!) just look at them as humans. When you approach it like this, it makes it easier to interact. And, it’s more correct. See for yourself what happens when you do this. I think you will be pleasantly surprised.