Author Archives: Jean

About Jean

Jean Smith is the Founder of Flirtology. Holding a Masters in Social Anthropology, her approach to flirting is science based. Besides helping people become confident flirts, Jean is a regular contributor to international media, appearing on the likes of BBC and NBC. She also speaks to audiences ranging from the Royal Society of Medicine to London Business School. Topics include flirting, communication, and confidence building.

man standing alone

Feb
19
Why Don’t you Flirt?

Earlier this month I filmed for the show Celebs go Dating. I taught Perri Kiely (of the dance troupe Diversity) how to flirt. Joey Essex was also there and taught me a few things that I didn’t know before. At one point during the filming, I was really worried that Joey was gunning for my job as flirting expert. The guy had swagger, what can I say?

I was brought on the show because Perri had been on 4 dates already and there had been absolutely no flirting. When I met him and Joey at the Dating Agency and asked him why, it seemed much of it had to do with how he regarded flirting itself. He told me that he hadn’t been flirting with his dates for three reasons. Perhaps you can relate:

  1. He wasn’t attracted to them
  2. He didn’t want to lead them on
  3. He didn’t know how

I am hoping that you can help me with an experiment using twitter. I will address the most common reason why people say they don’t flirt, from the above options.  In the next 24 hours, could you please tweet @flirtology

either:

  • I don’t flirt because I am not easily attracted to people #flirting
  • I don’t flirt because I don’t want to lead people on #flirting
  • I don’t flirt because I don’t know how #flirting

I will answer the most commonly tweeted flirting problem in my next post. Oh, and I’ll let you know when our flirting show airs on Celebs Go Dating, sometime Mid-April.

couple-city-view

Feb
12
Finding the Right Partner – The Easy Way!

There are several instances why people might need my help in finding a partner. Sometimes it’s because they are shy, or perhaps they can’t get over a ex and move forward, or maybe they don’t know how to read interest, or show someone they are interested. My last client had a different issue; he came to me for help after having had two, unsuccessful relationships, that left him heartbroken. You might be surprised to hear this, but he was the one doing the breaking up. Why was he so devestated then? He had invested 9-12 months in both cases, and still cared about both women. What seems to be the problem? In both cases, he had chosen to invest time, energy and emotion, into lovely women, but who were not right for him. And, as much as he enjoyed spending time with them both, eventually, the doom of his actions would set in; he would realise that this person wasn’t the one whom he could see being with ‘happily ever after’.

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walk-932965_1920

Feb
05
Why your Partner Criteria is All Wrong

You are on a first date: how do you know if the person sitting across from you is going to be your next Mr. or Ms. Right? If you are the woman I met on Saturday night, you will make him skip. She tells me, ‘This shows that he is up for a laugh’. She then added,  ‘Oh, don’t worry. I always go first to show them how’. Another woman said that if he doesn’t share his food, it’s an immediate no-go. Both of these women have good points. Who wouldn’t want a partner who was up for a laugh and shares their food? But then I think of my wonderful husband, who would, flat out refuse to do the ‘skip’ test, (although he has a wonderful sense of humour) and certainly doesn’t share his food with me (much to my annoyance). I would have missed out on a wonderful partner, if I had based our potential future relationship on these two criteria.

But these aren’t the only situations where people are using the wrong criteria to assess potential partners. One client told me that because she was assertive and confident, that the man would have to be the one to approach her otherwise, she believed, she would railroad right over him. I understand why this woman would need someone equally confident but, once again, the criteria she was using, was completely ineffective. My husband is self-assured, and certainly an equal partner for me, but would have never come up to me without knowing me or someone whom I was with. Her criteria means she is attracting the wrong guys and missing out on the right ones. There are far too many case of women making up their own yard sticks, without any merit, and using them to assess potential partners. They’re doing themselves more harm than good.

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woman walking grafitti

Jan
29
Don’t like Your Results? Try Something Different

Still doing the same ol’ things, but expecting different results? Let me tell you about Julia.

Julia has a date. With a cute boy. Whom she likes a lot. Do you want one of those? Then do what Julia did. Or, rather, do what Julia did differently then what she would have normally done.

Julia was invited to a birthday party of a new acquaintance. Since she didn’t know anyone there, she invited Dianne to come as back-up. Unfortunately, Dianne came down with a cold, so Julia did something she had never done before…she went by herself.

Julia found a nice group of women to talk to and, normally, she would have happily stayed put all evening. But, she decided to do something else that she hadn’t ever done before; she went over and introduced herself to three guys who looked like they were having fun. As it happens, she really hit it off when one of them. She then made sure that she was sitting next to him when they all sat down for dinner, another thing she wouldn’t have normally done. Unfortunately, they lost track of each other after dinner, and she didn’t get to say good-bye. However, the signals were strong, and she had nothing to lose, so she did something else that she had never done before; she emailed the host, asking her for the guy’s details. And, she contacted him. After a couple flirty exchanges, they are meeting up next week.

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