First impressions are powerful, but not always accurate. What is the first thing that happens after deciding that you ‘like’ someone? After adding the like label, does everything just become easy? With a relaxed confidence, do you stride over and immediately introduce yourself? My guess is no. What I found with my clients is that once they identify that they like someone, the next feeling is pressure…
Let’s say that, somehow, despite the added pressure, you do manage to go over and say hi. Do you find that the person’s inside is as gorgeous as their outside? Were your first impressions accurate? Do you still ‘like’ the person, once you’ve actually had a conversation? On the other hand, perhaps your first impressions weren’t accurate. Has it ever happened that you didn’t initially find someone attractive and had even written them off but, after speaking to them, your interest rose?
‘Liking’ someone at first glance is not helpful to you. It falsely represents your feelings towards someone, skewing fantasy and reality. One of my clients told me she spent an entire evening at a friend’s party, obsessing over one of the guys that she ‘liked’. She didn’t meet anyone else that night, and used all of her energy towards this stranger. At the very end of the night, she used liquid courage to go up and introduce herself. She then realised, ‘He’s kind of a jerk’. If she hadn’t been so focused on him, she could have been having lots of great conversations with other people. Potentially, she could have met someone with whom she did connect.
From now on, I suggest not making any initial judgements as to whether you like someone until you’ve asked them one question. That’s it. And, by that time, you would have already done the hardest part anyway, which is getting yourself over there in the first place.
We can’t always trust our first impressions. Don’t make any decisions on liking until asking one question. If this sounds like a useful idea to you, then this is just the beginning, my friend. There are so many other, big and small, things that you can do to help you meet your partner.