A few weeks ago, someone from the Flirtology community wrote to me asking for advice. He wrote, ‘I would like to learn anything that will help me to feel more confident and less self-conscious and, generally, to enjoy flirting and dating more.’

I think it’s fair to say that if you are looking at this process as a part-time job, one where you ‘put in the time’ but don’t get paid, it’s no wonder that this seems like hard work! However, in answer to Ravi’s question (not his real name) I offer the following three points:

1) When are you on a date with someone the fun stops, and pressure appears, the moment you decide if this person could be ‘the one’. Whew! That is a lot of expectation for the other person and for you. Let’s just slow things down a bit and concentrate on who is going to get the last piece of pizza.

2) The trick to not feeling self-conscious whilst flirting is to not focus on yourself. Since we only have a certain amount of energy in any interactions, don’t use it on yourself! Instead put your energy into the other person. Who is this person? Are they having fun? Did you just say something that made them blush? Smile? You can only see the fun affects of flirting if you are not focused on yourself and, instead, in that moment with them. That is when the flirting gets fun!!

3) Finally, stay in the moment. Don’t fast forward 5 years ahead to your wedding. Don’t try and think, ‘What are they thinking?’, ‘What would they like me to say and do?’ Firstly, you don’t know what they are thinking. Be polite and let that person have their own thoughts without you trying to intrude. Secondly, it doesn’t matter what they would like you to do and say, because you only want to be with someone who likes you, not a fake version of someone whom you think they’d like. Besides, how do you know that they’d prefer this, made-up version, to you? This brings me to one of Flirtology’s favourite mottos. Act like yourself and you will attract those who like you!

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